I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are we still banned from the library?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
