he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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