she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
