haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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