the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
