I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
its liver damage thursday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
