Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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