we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
