I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
