At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
