i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
this is an emotional support booty call
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