I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
