You can't special order awesome
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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