I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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