so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Girls should come with a carfax report
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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