Soap is not a condiment
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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