I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
