are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
