Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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