I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
