I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
