it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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