last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
