His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
