Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
