I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
