i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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