I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
