Can Purell be used as lube?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
