Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
