here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
