you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
