dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
