YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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