That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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