I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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