I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Dicks are not precious.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
