Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize