Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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