You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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