there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
