I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
