I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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