somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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