It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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