see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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