no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
