I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
