my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
