she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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