hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize