and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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