I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
