I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
