Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
