I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
