did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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