I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
