Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
