Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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