at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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