Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
