im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
